Help! My Christian Wife Cheated on Me

If you're a husband whose Christian wife has cheated on you, it's critical that you give yourself the space and time to prayerfully and constructively work through your emotional pain and deal with your situation the way God wants. Here are my suggestions:

1. Give Yourself the Freedom to Hurt

Forget the "John Wayne" tough guy - macho nonsense. If your wife has cheated on you, chances are that you're hurt. Probably crushed. If so, it's okay to feel that pain and that hurt. Don't feel like you're somehow less of a man, if you're jealous, hurt, crushed, or whatever by this experience. It's normal. Give yourself the freedom to feel that pain.

2. Pray

In I Samuel, Hannah describes her prayer as "pouring her soul out before God." David speaks of prayer similarly in the psalms. This is where you need to pray -- pray with all your heart -- before God. And in this case, you're not just sending up quick prayers to ask God for relief. Prayer is spending time with God. Make sure you understand that -- prayer is spending time with God. Take time with God as you go through this.

3. Meditate on the Right Things

Don't underestimate this one. I remember a time that I was painfully hurt in a relationship while in college. Rather than give it to God, I chose to turn it over and over in my mind. I was constantly thinking about the situation, making it all the more painful. I was living in a "mental dungeon," and it was mostly my doing. Don't go down that road.

Acknowledge the situation. Acknowledge the hurt. But YOU control where your thoughts go. No one else can. You control your mind. And it's time to take Paul's advice. In Philippians 4, Paul writes: "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things."

I know it's difficult - VERY difficult, in fact - but you must do it. It takes hard work and discipline, but you can and must control what your mind thinks about.

4. Seek pastoral and then professional counsel

Any marriage that has experienced an affair needs help. You are not a failure to seek that help. If you're not a part of a good Bible-believing church, get involved in one. Then, set up a meeting with your pastor. Lay out your situation. Ask for prayer. Get some recommendations from him on good, solid, professional Christian counselors in your area. And then take advantage of those resources.

May God bless you during this very difficult time.